Forever Young
Forever Young came out when Fred and I were just dating. I knew when I saw the video and listened to the lyrics that it would be a song I somehow sang to my child at their high school graduation. Well my singing was – and still is – horrific so instead it was Rod Stewart’s […]
A suicide survivor’s vacation
Tomorrow I leave on a week-long vacation with a friend. I will rest. I will laugh. I will relax. But first I have to get there… First I have to get out that suitcase. (The one with the Orlando tags on it from our last vacation). First I have to pack those travel-sized toiletries. (But […]
Journey into 2015
Grief is lonely. In my experience grief due to a suicide loss is especially isolating. It’s now been 2 1/2 years since my son died. I’m not sure if this is as good as it gets or perhaps there is more healing yet to come. I am both weaker and stronger than I ever imagined I’d […]
Living with guilt after suicide
It’s my 3rd Christmas and there are still no Christmas decorations. Robbie didnt take issue with it until last weekend. He announced that next year we will decorate. When I consider the idea of it I’m not sure which is more gut wrenching – seeing, experiencing, feeling memories that I haven’t faced yet or living with […]
Goodnight Drey
“Goodnight Drey.” Such a simple statement. Such a powerful statement. It sent me into tears Tuesday evening. Robbie and I attended our first Compassionate Friends group. We liked it. We plan to return. At the close of the meeting we all held hands and went around the circle and each one said goodnight to their […]
Lessons from my first Mother’s Day as a bereaved Mom.
Well here I am already…. My second Mother’s Day since Drey died. I’m grateful for how fast time seems to be flying by. Every day brings me closer to seeing him again. Everyone handles grief their own unique way. Sometimes I hear people say Mother’s Day makes them sad because their Mom or child is […]
The balancing act of the mind after a suicide
When dealing with a difficult, challenging situation I like to have as much information as possible. However that’s not how I’ve handled my baby’s death. There are plenty of details available. But some of them are locked away – in someone else’s mind, in an envelope, in Drey’s iPhone sitting safely on his dresser. It’s […]
“Good” days and bad days
Today is a “good” day. It’s hard to say that – what kind of Mom has a “good” day when her son is gone? But for now the definition of “good” is different from what it used to be. In the beginning I had horrible minutes and barely survivable minutes. Then that changed to hours […]
