by Alex Kleczewski, survivor and LOSS volunteer

In a gift of vulnerability and community, for the next 30 days Alex will share her grief and healing journey with us as she responds to “The Mourner’s Book of Hope: 30 Days of Inspiration” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.  Alex is an OSU student and LOSS volunteer. She lost her dad, Mark, to suicide in June 2017.

Hope. Day 3: Befriend Hope

Hope is an interesting concept, because it can be about things that are so small or things that would change your world. I have found my hopes have changed a lot throughout the last nine months.

I remember on my flight home (editor’s note: Alex’s dad lived in Texas at the time of his death) I hoped it was a nightmare. Before the memorial, I hoped I wouldn’t pass out or throw up. Coming back to Columbus, I hoped that I would be able survive on my own again. I hoped I would be able to get through a work day without crying. I hoped my mom would be okay on her own. I hoped I would ultimately be okay. I hoped I would not fall into the statistics and it would not be me. Every day was filled with new hopes for me.

I befriended hope in a way that I think more people should; I took it a day and a task at a time. I knew from the beginning that I wouldn’t be okay, and even today, I wouldn’t consider myself okay. I am slowly taking steps towards getting there, and each day is filled with a new hope. Baby steps of hope have taken me a lot further and have encouraged me a lot more because I can accomplish them.

I have always hoped there is meaning behind everything, even if it is impossible to see. Every day as I meet new people and continue friendships, I can feel a little more brightness, and I hope that it is a sign for what is to come.

Befriending hope and letting the little steps define me has allowed me to keep going. Hope is the best friend, and one that I want to hold onto for dear life no matter what else happens.

Hope is what gets me through every single day.

“The Mourner’s Book of Hope: 30 Days of Inspiration” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. is available on Amazon. When you log in to Amazon using Amazon Smile and choose Franklin County LOSS as your designated charity, a portion of the sale will be donated to LOSS’s programs for survivors.